Daycare rant

"shop-teacher" (shop-teacher)
10/24/2017 at 17:43 • Filed to: Dadlopnik

When my wife and I had her first child, I was smack in the midst of a district wide pay-freeze that put a hurting on the family finances. We discussed my wife staying home, and we could’ve made it work if we had to, but we would’ve been BROOOOOOOOOOKE.

So, we found a nice in-home daycare with a lovely family at a very reasonable price. Kiddo was happy there. They did all kinds of crafts, took walks, went to parks, things were good.

Using an in-home daycare has both advantages and disadvantages. It’s a small intimate group. The kids really get to know each other. The older kids teach the younger kids. They’re also cheaper. The one we chose is also 50-100% cheaper than commercial daycares in our area. The only real problem is that in order for the daycare provider to have a day off, daycare is closed for that day. With pay. Fortunately most of those were on days I was already off anyways. Our daycare provider was flexible with us though, so I felt fine with being flexible for her.

When child numero second came around, we had to recalibrate things. I was finally making a little more money by then, but two kids in daycare, even at the low for the area price we were paying, was more than our mortgage payment. It was also more than 50% of my wife’s take-home pay.

We came to the conclusion that despite the extreme mom-guilt my wife felt (not to mention dad-guilt I felt for not making enough money), it was best for the family for my wife ithin the last six or eight months though. It started after she took on three babies, including a set of twins. If I showed up a few minutes late, I got a lecture about not respecting her time. Same thing if my wife dropped them off early. Literally being four minutes early resulted in my wife getting chewed out ... by the woman who we pay upwards of $20k a year to watch our children. She actually told me once, “I can’t go anywhere until these kids are picked up. You, you can leave work whenever you want.” That comment left me flabbergasted. I’m not sure what kind of fantasy-land she’s residing in where a teacher can just peace-out whenever they feel like it.

A couple months ago something happened at school, that resulted in my being late ... five entire minutes late. The result, she fined me $10. Although the real spark that I’m convinced light that fire happened a couple weeks before that. Her sister-in-law passed away. This was not unexpected, and she admitted that she did not care for the sister-in-law. She decided to close the daycare for a day a few days later for ... reasons ... I guess. No, not for any services, there weren’t any.

Bottom line, when we paid her for that week, we didn’t pay her for that day. When I saw her a few days later, she said, “So, about the day off last week. I need to check your contract, but I think you’ve only paid for 12 vacation days so far this year.” I suppressed my frustration and told her to check the contract and get back to me, which she never did.

A few points though:
1) 12 vacation days is nearly 2-1/2 weeks of daycare that we paid for and did not receive.
2) If you want we to pay for that day, fine. Then stay open on one of the other days you’re planning to be closed this year and square things up.
3) Either you can get overtime like an hourly employee, or you can have the benefits of a salaried employee, but you cannot have both.

A few days later is when I was fined for being five minutes late. By the way, do you know how many times I arrived on-time, and then sat in the driveway for 5-10 minutes while she chatted with another parent who arrived before me? DOZENS. And you know what else? I didn’t care. I checked emails or cruised Oppo while I waited. Big deal. It’s five freaking minutes. None of us are that important.

Not long after this went down, I was talking to my principal about things, and I mentioned what was going on. She said, “I hate to break this to you, but it’s going to get a lot worse before it gets better.”

Since then, the daycare days off have flowed. She’s taken four in the last three weeks alone. Two planned, and two unplanned. My wife had to stay home with the kids today with 12 hours notice. Luckily her dad was able to come over for a couple hours, because my wife had a doctor’s appointment set up for what would’ve been her lunch break.

I’m completely fed up with our daycare provider’s bullshit. I’m tired of burning vacation days and sick time so she can be off. We’ve got two more months before I never have to speak to her again. Our contract requires three weeks notice to terminate our agreement, and that’s what she’s going to get. Not one damn day earlier either.

RallyMetro for your time.

DISCUSSION (38)

Nisman > shop-teacher
10/24/2017 at 17:48

I want to punch this person in the box.

haveacarortwoorthree2 > shop-teacher
10/24/2017 at 17:51

My sister-in-law is one of the nicest, most patient people in the world (i.e., the complete opposite of me). She ran an in-home day care for many years. She stopped a couple of years ago due to a couple of parents that would take extreme advantage of her.

Clearly that’s not what you are doing. But are there other parents who might be doing that? Your provider may just be fed up with people and is taking it out on everyone (except, we hope, the kiddos).

Cash Rewards > shop-teacher
10/24/2017 at 17:51

I understand your perspective on home daycare and it’s advantages, but I certainly do not have to put up with that bullshit at our commercial one. They also require a teaching certificate. They also also require over 2000 dollars a month for the youngest age group (it does get cheaper as they get older).

BeaterGT > shop-teacher
10/24/2017 at 17:52

“By the way, do you know how many times I arrived on-time, and then sat in the driveway for 5-10 minutes while she chatted with another parent who arrived before me? DOZENS. And you know what else? I didn’t care.”

The most infuriating part for me, I would have definitely made her aware she was wasting my 5-10 minutes if she goes to the length of “fining” you.

CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever > shop-teacher
10/24/2017 at 17:56

Some days I think kids would be OK, but this.. nah, no kidsoffortlangley. Thanks for keeping that in check for me.

Chariotoflove > shop-teacher
10/24/2017 at 17:59

We were so blessed that the local Methodist church ran a parents’ day out program when ours was little, and it was more like a pre-school. Truly wonderful and surprisingly cheap. Our church also had a Pre-K that got absorbed into the school a while back. Affordable, decent day care is so difficult to find. My sympathies.

shop-teacher > BeaterGT
10/24/2017 at 18:04

I was honestly too shocked to think of it.

TheRevanchist > shop-teacher
10/24/2017 at 18:05

There are so many intricate parts to this conversation. There seems to be something missing, yet so many pieces that just don’t seem to fit.

Tell me more about this “rally metro”.

shop-teacher > CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever
10/24/2017 at 18:08

Kids are awesome, but also a gigantic sacrifice. It definitely ain’t for everyone.

shop-teacher > Cash Rewards
10/24/2017 at 18:09

Yeah, we pay $800/month/kid.

vicali > shop-teacher
10/24/2017 at 18:10

Both our littles went to the ‘commercial’ type daycare - we paid the more than mortgage fees until little boy went off to Kindergarten. Now we’re only half payments for one afterschool and 3-5 payments which are smaller..

We specifically avoided the in-house daycare situation. Works for some, but would drive me crazy.

I recommend you be super duper nice for the remaining days- from what I’ve seen nothing drives these people more crazy than losing regular normal cheque writing bill paying people - with good kids!

CTSenVy > shop-teacher
10/24/2017 at 18:30

“you can leave work whenever you want”

That’s not how jobs work.

SilentButNotReallyDeadly...killed by G/O Media > shop-teacher
10/24/2017 at 18:39

When our lad was in childcare, it was $80 per day at a qualified centre and this was comparatively cheap. Fortunately, childcare is subsidised in Australia (level is dependent on income) so we were only out of pocket $40 to $50 per day from memory...

Future next gen S2000 owner > shop-teacher
10/24/2017 at 18:53

I just extended a contract for a nanny. Yay! It basically consumes my wife’s paycheck. Daycares have slots for us.......6 or so months after we called. Crazy.

Quadradeuce > shop-teacher
10/24/2017 at 18:58

We also use an in home sitter, and we really lucked out. Not only is she very caring to all of the children, but she is also extremely flexible. She invests a lot in the day care and feeds the kids homemade meals using fresh ingredients. She often takes the kids on weekends to area attractions or camping as a group, which gives the parents much needed down time. We literally hit the lottery.

We technically get 2 weeks vacation where we don’t have to pay her, but I give it back to her at the end of the year as a Christmas bonus. Gladly. I hope you find something similar, but I know our situation is rare. My advice is to find someone who truly cares about the kids, not the money. And then pay her whatever she asks. Good luck!

shop-teacher > TheRevanchist
10/24/2017 at 19:16

Search Oppo for the tag RallyMetro, and you can read all about it.

shop-teacher > haveacarortwoorthree2
10/24/2017 at 19:22

I pick up at 4:15, so does one of the other parents. Our kids are usually the last ones there.

shop-teacher > SilentButNotReallyDeadly...killed by G/O Media
10/24/2017 at 19:24

We pay $40/day/kid. Commercial daycares are $60-80, no subsidies in the US.

shop-teacher > vicali
10/24/2017 at 19:47

That’s precisely the plan.

shop-teacher > Quadradeuce
10/24/2017 at 19:48

That’s awesome!

shop-teacher > CTSenVy
10/24/2017 at 21:08

I know, right!?!

shop-teacher > Nisman
10/24/2017 at 21:08

You have my vote.

shop-teacher > Future next gen S2000 owner
10/24/2017 at 21:08

Crazy indeed.

shop-teacher > Chariotoflove
10/24/2017 at 21:09

Thanks :)

Svart Smart, traded in his Smart > Chariotoflove
10/24/2017 at 21:19

That’s what I went to when I was a wee one.

Chariotoflove > Svart Smart, traded in his Smart
10/24/2017 at 22:04

It was so great They even had graduation. We still watch that video and tear up.

BiTurbo228 - Dr Frankenstein of Spitfires > CTSenVy
10/25/2017 at 04:40

“If I could...what requirement would I have for you?”

Tristan > shop-teacher
10/26/2017 at 02:02

This is similar to the dilemma me and the Mrs. are facing. My daughter goes to an in-home daycare. She loves it, we love it, everyone gets along and we’re all happy. It runs just shy of $750/mo. Wife works 60 hrs/wk, I work 40 hrs/wk and go to school full time.

We plan to have more youngins, and soon. The wife doesn’t love her job, and feels like she has no time with the kiddo... Sooooo... If she goes part-time (19 hrs/wk) for her company, she’ll bring home half of her current pay, and we won’t have to pay daycare. If we factor in the imaginary second kiddo, it’s a total wash between working full time and paying for daycare, and working part time and not having to use daycare... There are other downsides, such as losing her company car, and her health insurance plans are way better than those available from my work, but it’s like you said- having kiddos is a sacrifice.

shop-teacher > Tristan
10/26/2017 at 07:20

The health insurance thing was a big part of our original decision for her to keep working. Both of our employers offer good plans, but family coverage through my work was much more expensive. So I’ve been insured through my work, and she and the girls through hers. Over the years though, the cost at her company has gone way up, and mine has stayed the same, so now it will be cheaper to have the family all on mine once we make the switch.

There’s so much to it all though! So many intricacies. I’ve gotten enough raises over the last few years, that we’re going to bite the bullet and have my wife quit. We’ll make it work, but it will be tough.

Tristan > shop-teacher
10/26/2017 at 13:46

The kiddos are only little once, so it’s good for mama to get time with them. I definitely hear you, though. My wife has an awesome professional career going. She’s staying part-time to keep her feet in the water, so to speak. My fear with quitting altogether is in a few years when it’s time to go back, will prospective employers see a giant hole in her work history and pass her by?

shop-teacher > Tristan
10/26/2017 at 13:56

That’s a legitimate concern. My wife is really unhappy at her job, so that makes in a lot easier for her to quit.

Tristan > shop-teacher
10/26/2017 at 21:14

My wife doesn’t much like her job lately, either... Had we not moved from a place with a really low cost of living to a place with an absurd cost of living, I wouldn’t hesitate to have her stay home.

shop-teacher > Tristan
10/26/2017 at 22:43

We were fortunate that we bought after the housing bubble burst. Not quite at the bottom of the market, but close to it. We were also smart enough to buy the size/budget house we needed, not the biggest most expensive thing we could afford. Our mortgage broker wanted to hug us. We never even asked what we could qualify for. Thanks to both of those things, my wife staying home is possible.

Tristan > shop-teacher
10/27/2017 at 02:48

I bargain-hunted for a long time in Florida before finally buying a 1600 sf 3bd/2ba ranch built in 2001 with a 2cg on .25 acres for the nice price of $124k. It was a short sale, but didn’t need much. Here in Oregon, we put offers on 7 different homes before finally getting our 1500 sf ranch built in 1957 with 3bd/1.5ba and a 2cg on .25 acres for the completely crack pipe price of $300k.

And gas is more expensive here... And groceries are more expensive here... And I have to pay exorbitant state income taxes here... And utilities are outrageous here... And did I mention I make less here?

shop-teacher > Tristan
10/27/2017 at 06:55

Ouch!!!

We’re outside of Chicago. We bought a 4-bedroom 2-bath bungalow, on 1/4 acre with a 2-1/2 car garage, that needed work for $190k. It was a short sale too. We bought in 2010. The people we bought it from paid $263 in 2003.

Tristan > shop-teacher
10/27/2017 at 11:24

Nice!

Our Florida house last sold for $196k! O_o

Wacko > shop-teacher
10/27/2017 at 22:23

Me and my wife calculated everything a few times and decided that she stays at home with the kids. In all we loose about 2000 a year, which to us is a small price to pay for the quality of life we have. No rush in the morning to get everyone ready, dropped off.....

shop-teacher > Wacko
10/27/2017 at 22:31

$2000/year is a no-brainer! We’re going to lose more than that, but we’ll make it work. 7-week’s to go!